


Sincerely Yours

by livsackler



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben is a poet, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, HEA, Older Man/Younger Woman, Slow Burn, Smut, Social Media, Soft Ben, rey is a youtuber
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24473302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livsackler/pseuds/livsackler
Summary: Benjamin Solo is a famous poet who publishes his writings under an alias. He gets creative by working odd jobs, taking time to observe strangers as inspiration for his writing. While working at a café, he observes, Rey, a successful social media content creator. But he does not know who she is, he does not even have a cell phone.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 61
Kudos: 261





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My inspiration for this writing sprouted after watching Paterson. 
> 
> The number of chapters to this fic is just an estimate!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My inspiration for this writing sprouted after watching Paterson. 
> 
> The number of chapters to this fic is just an estimate!

“‘A day in my life alone in NYC’, hmm, I like the sound to it.” Rey hums and sets up her camera equipment by the side of her full-length mirror so that she can film her everyday makeup routine from her reflection. She woke up this morning with the energy to create a new YouTube video, something which she has not done in a while. 

She looks at the date on her phone. It has been exactly four months since she broke up with her ex-boyfriend Poe, four months since she had uploaded the ‘We Broke Up’ video on YouTube to her fans to announce that they have amicably ended their relationship and her decision to move from Los Angeles to New York. Also, it has been exactly one month since she moved to her new apartment in downtown Brooklyn, spending the past four weeks cooped up in bed. 

Creativity had taken a hit, but today, she finally thinks that she can break the cycle and move on with life. Her last video uploaded was her moving her things from their old apartment out and her travelling all alone to Brooklyn. Her Instagram remains relatively active though.

She sits down on the floor in her unfurnished apartment and positions herself so that the camera captures what she wants. Poe used to be the man behind and sometimes in front of the camera with her, but he is now someone from the past and she is all on her own.

She lays out all her makeup product on the wooden step stool in front of her and takes a deep breath in. _Okay, I can do this_. She clicks the record button. 

“Hey guys, welcome to my comfort zone. If you’ve seen my last few videos, you probably know what’s going on. I’m in my NY apartment right now. It’s been one month and it’s still unfurnished. You guys know how much I love DIYs, but it’s been so hard getting out of bed each day. My room is still unfurnished, but I promise to film it when I do get on with the room decorations!”

Rey forces a radiant smile for the camera. She has a love-hate relationship with her job as a content creator. But the money is pretty good as her channel grows, along with all the sponsorships she gets. Rey takes in a deep breath sighs out loudly. She makes a mental note to cut this out later. 

“In today’s chill vlog, I’ll be showing you a day in my life alone in NYC, and chat about the emotions and anxieties I’ve been having in the past few months. Without further ado, let’s get started!”

Rey starts her video off by doing a quick sharing of her daily skincare and makeup routines, along with the new cruelty-free beauty products she has gotten recently. Once she was done with her face and hair, she moves on to talk about her plans for the day.

“It’s 10 a.m. right now and I’ll be heading down to this newly opened coffee place nearby and get some reading done. I’ve been really down the past few weeks, but I did manage to pick up a book from the local second-hand bookstore. It’s called ‘Forces and Gravity’ by Kylo Ren and it contains a collection of love letters, in the form of poetry.” Rey lifts the book in front of the camera so that everyone can see the book cover.

“This is his first published work and is a #1 New York Times bestseller. I can’t wait to read this bad boy later.” She pats the book. 

“After that, I’ll be heading down to do my favourite activity – thrifting for some furniture and clothes. So if you wanna see what I got, keep watching.” She gleams into the camera. 

Rey picks out her outfit for the day, something casual for this lovely Wednesday morning. She puts on a white lacey cropped cami and light washed mom jeans. Next, she picks out a pair of silver hoop earrings and a tiny pendant necklace – an anniversary gift from her ex, but something she loves and treasures very much.

She matches her simple outfit with a straw bag, considering it is summer, just big enough to carry her vlogging camera and mike. She completes her outfit with a pair of brown sandals, puts the book in her bag and heads out of the door. 

Carrying the camera upright to film herself as she walks to the café, she talks about her struggles of living alone again, adjusting to a new environment and getting used to her neighbours. She receives a few stares along her walk, but she does not care – it is normal to stare, plus by now she is used to it.

Extroverted and bubbly, Rey finds little difficulty in talking about her feelings and emotions on camera. She would even say that she wears her heart on her sleeve. And her subscribers love that about her. They love how raw and genuine her videos get, giving them her perspective of a struggling college graduate trying to find a place for herself in this world. She moved out and lived alone when she was eighteen, living with Poe for a good two years. 

When she first started her YouTube channel in high school to share her love for fashion and film, she experienced some bullying from her peers. After a fair share of incredibly cheesy look books, badly edited hauls and misguided eyebrow choices, she now has three million subscribers on YouTube and one million followers on Instagram. 

After a good 20 minutes of walking, she arrives at the storefront of the trendy café and turns the camera around to give it a good view of the exterior. On the outside, the glasshouse front screams ‘Instagrammable’ so loud.

Peering through the front, the interior of the café features a red, exposed brick wall with wooden tables and vintage-looking couches. She enters the café. The soothing yet tranquil atmosphere is heightened by the chill lo-fi beats playing in the background.

After taking some time to film the inside of the café along with their menu, she turns her camera off and prepares to order. With an array of coffee, tea, juice and healthy food bowls available, she hears her stomach rumbling. _Guess it is time for brunch_. 

“Hi, I’m Benjamin but you can call me Ben. How may I serve you today?” He stands behind the counter in a black apron over his black and grey plaid shirt. He does not wear a name tag. His black wavy hair is tied up into a half ponytail. He attempts to give his customer a warm smile, aware that his towering height sometimes scares customers away.

Rey tilts her head up to the juice menu hanging behind the wall above him and settles for a green juice consisting of kale, broccoli, cucumber, spinach and apple. 

“Hi Ben, I’ll have a large Green Shield juice having here. On, and an acai bowl please.” 

“Is that all?” he asks. Rey nods. “Alright, your name please?” 

Rey cocks her head to the side and stares at him with great surprise. She’s the only customer in the café right now, why would he need her name? She wonders if he knows who she is and is only doing so to get her attention. “It’s Rey, spelt R-E-Y.” She decides to go with the flow, after all, he is quite charming himself. His face is clean-shaven with short hair nicely combed back. Some fringe falls onto his face.

Rey takes a seat on the sofa at the front corner of the café. It is next to the full-sized glass panels, allowing adequate morning light to shine through. _The perfect lighting to film, read and take pictures of her food,_ she thinks to herself. 

She whips out her new book from her bag and begins to read the first few pages. She places her camera on a stand and puts it at the far end of the table to film herself reading the book. She plans to edit it into a time-lapse of her morning. 

“Hi Rey, here’s your order.” He arrives with her food within minutes and bends down a little to place her food and drink on the table. He raises his eyebrows at the sight of her camera but does not say anything. “I called you a couple of times earlier from the pick-up counter, but I think you were too engrossed with the book to hear me. Nevertheless, enjoy the food. That’s a really good book by the way.” He adds.

“Have you read it before?” 

“Something like that.” He smirks. Little does she know, Ben is the writer of the book, under the alias Kylo Ren. Having published multiple books, he is sure that Rey is not a regular reader, otherwise, she would be reading his latest. “Why Forces & Gravity and not his recent ones?”

“I’m new to his writing and picked this up at the second-hand bookstore nearby the other day.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know there was one.” He chuckles. Ben was rather new to this side of the city. It’s his first week as a part-time staff with the café, giving him a different group of people to observe each day. 

He does not need a job, but a customer service role gives him countless opportunities to see people from all walks of life to inspire his writing. He had previously worked as a bookstore clerk, museum guide, bus driver, et cetera. He published that the book that she was reading halfway through his undergraduate studies as an English Literature major. That would be around eight years ago. 

“I could bring you there if you’d like. Maybe later? What time does your shift end?”

“That’s nice of you.” Ben looks at his watch. “I end in an hour; is there sufficient time for you to finish up your reading for the day?”

“It’s perfect.” Let me know when you’re ready to go.” The exchange smiles and he goes back to the counter. 

She takes a sip of juice and flips to the next page.

**_The Bakery_ **

_I wished you would have smiled in the bakery_

_Or sat on a tatty settee_

_At a mutual friend’s gathering_

_And the more you keep on looking, the more it’s hard to take_

_Love, we’re in a stalemate_

_To never meet it is surely where we’re bound_

_There’s one in every town_

_Just there to grind you down_

_I wish I would have seen you in the post office_

_Well, maybe I did, and I missed it_

_Too busy with the mind on clever lines_

_Why not the rounders pitch or the canteen?_

_You're slacking, love, where have you been?_

_Just had to go and wait until tonight_

_I wish I would have seen you down in the arcade_

_Sipping on a lemonade_

_In the paper cup and chewing on the straw_

_And I wish I'd seen you in the bakery_

_But if I'd seen you in the bakery_

_You probably wouldn't have seen me_

* * *

“Sorry I’m late, I was finishing up my lunch at the back. Are you ready to go?” Ben looks almost apologetic. 

“Right, yes, sorry I was so enthralled by the contents of this book. Let me pack up my things.”

“In the meantime, I’ll clear your dishes. I’ll be right back.” He picks up her used cutlery and takes them to the kitchen at the back. 

This time he comes back out without an apron on, his plaid shirt neatly tucked into his belted navy trousers. On his feet were black leather shoes and black socks. His dressing is somewhat old school and gives Rey and impression that he is a down-to-earth kind of guy. His dressing is not her type per se, but she will overlook it because of how cute he is.

She takes him to the street where all the stores sell second-hand and vintage things, from books to clothes to furniture. During the walk, they made some small talk and eighty per cent of the time it was Rey telling him about her life and how she has just moved over, with him nodding and absorbing everything she said. Of the twenty per cent that he spoke, she learnt that he too lived alone and is not seeing anyone at the moment. The knowledge of his relationship status gives her relief. She has only known him for a morning, but she wants to keep knowing him.

“Do you mind if I film you?” she asks. “I’m doing a vlog for a day in my life alone in NYC. I intended to go thrifting alone today, but I made a new friend!” She beams with delight.

Ben stays quiet, the expression of his face showing that he is thinking really hard on her request.

“Pretty please? I think the viewers would like it. I could add your social media accounts below too if you’d like to be tagged.” She looks at him with wide eyes and sticks her lips out with a frown.

“I don’t any social media accounts but sure, I’m just camera shy, that’s all.” He is yet another victim of her pouty face. 

* * *

They stop by the bookstore first, and she films Ben as he browses the books. He pulls out a book and shows it to her. “Hey look, it’s another one of Kylo Ren’s books. Do you wanna get it? My treat.” He chuckles. For someone who was camera shy, he seems comfortable with their interaction and camera in his face.

“Sure! I’m loving his first book, and this would add on to my book collection marvellously.” She hands over the camera to him. “Help me whole the camera please while I look for one book for you.”

He plays with the functions of the camera, zooming in and out on her beautifully freckled face. Her brunette hair is just above shoulder length and he captures her tucking her hair behind her ears, eyes looking intently for a book.

“What kind of books do you read?” Her voice catches him by surprise, and he is glad she cannot see what is on the camera screen. _She’ll just have to work with whatever he has filmed of her_ ; he thinks to himself.

“Anything really. From sci-fi to historical romances, give me your best shot.” He says as he quietly zooms out from her face, hoping she does not notice.

Rey notices, obviously, because that is her camera and she has been filming videos for _years_. She does not say anything, she does not want to put either of them in an uncomfortable situation. She walks along the shelves and Ben follows steadily after.

“Here.” She holds up the book to show him and the camera. “It’s The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory. I haven’t read the book, but I fell in love with the movie when it first aired in cinemas a few years back. Have you read this yet?”

“I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t read or watched it before. Thanks, Rey, that’s a really good find.”

“Guess we should do this more often.” She murmurs, just loud enough for him and the camera to hear. Ben blushes behind the camera and smiles back, unsure on whether he should respond to her openly flirting with him.

Once the purchases were made, he paid for her book while she paid for his, they head over to the thrift store. Rey immediately sets her eyes on a hanging flowerpot holder and a vintage wooden dining table and chairs set. 

“It must be my lucky day!” she exclaims to ben and into the camera. “I’m going to get pay for them right now. Then I’ll take a look at some clothes.”

They take turns to film each other while browsing the clothing, Rey taking time to pick out some pieces for Ben. He was apprehensive first as he has never purchased second-hand clothes. After some convincing by Rey on how it benefits the environment, he gave in. He got himself another plaid shirt – this time in the colour navy. Rey pulls out a few oversized skirts and dresses, having some upcycling clothing ideas at the back of her head.

“Are they going to deliver the furniture to your home?” Ben asks.

“No, silly, I’ll just uber a minivan. I’m sure it’ll all fit.” Rey pulls out her latest iPhone from her bag and books a minivan.

“Right, sometimes I forget because I don’t uber.”

Rey gasps. “What do you _mean_ you don’t uber?”

“I use the taxi, like a normal person. Plus, it’s the only way considering I don’t have a phone.”

Rey stares at him dumbfounded, astonished but his words. _No phone?_ _I am nothing without mine._ “You gotta be kidding me?” Lucky for Rey, Ben captured her reaction on camera. This is the type of content her subscribers would love to see.

“We were doing fine in a world without phones; I don’t need one.”

“How… how does anyone contact you then?” Rey lifts an eyebrow.

“By email, of course. I have a laptop and I check my inbox once every few days. Nothing is so important it can’t wait.” He responded. 

Before she could rebut, her uber is here.

“Do you need any help with moving? I could accompany you if you want to.” He asks nervously. _This is so not a Ben thing to do,_ he thinks to himself. But he has not gotten the chance to ask her for her email yet and he does not want to blow it. “But I completely understand if you’re uncomfortable.”

“You know what, Ben? I could really use some help.” Ben smiles and nods, passing the camera back to Rey as he helps to load her not so new newly purchased furniture.

Once done, they slide into the seat of the van. She scoots over next to him, the space once between them diminishes. She turns the camera lens to face them, making sure both their faces are within the camera frame.

“And that’s my not so lonely day in NYC with Ben. Thanks for watching and remember to subscribe." She blows an air kiss to the camera. "Sincerely yours, Rey.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write poetry to save my life, it's song lyrics from Arctic Monkey's The Bakery written by the talented Alex Turner. 
> 
> Poe doesn't really play a significant role in this story but he might show up every now and then.
> 
> I thrive on praises, do leave me some kudos! <3
> 
> 🖤[livsackler.carrd.co](livsackler.carrd.co)🖤


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Ben doesn't have a phone, I realised that all of their non-irl conversations would be in email form. So here's a taste of it 💞

“You don’t have to, really,” Rey feels helpless as Ben volunteers to carry her furniture up the stairs to her apartment at the third level. He insisted she should wait downstairs to keep a lookout of her purchases while he brought them out.

“Don’t sweat it,” he tells her.

She held her apartment door for him as he shifted the things in. He puts the last chair down and stares bewilderingly as he looks around her apartment. It was partially furnished and empty. Ben never expected her apartment to look like this, she reminds him of summer and wildflowers. And he thought that her apartment would have given off the same vibe.

He can feel her growing uncomfortable, perhaps ashamed, of showing him her place. “I like your apartment, it’s nice and cosy. It suits you.” He gives her an assuring smile and she smiles back warmly.

“Thank you so much for your help.” She looks at the time on her phone. It is 5 p.m. “Oh dear, I’m so sorry for taking up so much of your time, I didn’t think we’d spent so much time shopping today.”

“Don’t be sorry, I had a great time, and it’s been a while since I’ve spent a spontaneous afternoon with someone.” It is true to a certain extent. Most of Ben’s activities are spontaneous, but he usually does it alone.

“Mind if I order Chinese for dinner? My treat, since I was the one who asked you to spend time with me today.”

“Sure, that sounds awesome.”

The two could not decide on what to eat so the second-best option was to order two things and share them.

* * *

“It’s getting late,” Ben says as he looked at his watch. 8 p.m.

“Oh, right,” Rey murmured. They were so involved in conversation Rey they lost track of time. “How… will you be heading back?”

“I hail a cab. It was nice meeting you, Rey.” He pulls out a pen and a folded receipt from his pocket. “I don’t own a phone, but I’d like your e-mail if you don’t mind. I’d like to have dinner with you again.”

Rey beams with delight. She takes the pen and piece of paper from his hand and writes down her email. reykirajohnson@gmail.com.

“Rey Kira Johnson.” He reads out her email. “Thank you, Rey. Good night,” he says as he steps out of her apartment, heading towards the stairs.

“Ben, wait,” Rey calls out. “Do you want me to send you the video link when I’m done editing the vlog and have uploaded it on Youtube?”

“I don’t like watching myself, but I think it’ll be great. See you around.” 

“Good night.” He smiles at her once more and heads off.

* * *

It has been three days, but she has not received any emails from Ben yet. She does not want to go back to the café just yet. Just in case she sees him working there and things get awkward.

As she patiently waited for his email over the past few days, she spent some time shifting furniture around the room to accommodate the new furniture and expand the space in the living room.

For the very first time in a while, she found the motivation to get to work, diligently working on editing her video like a college student with a rushed project deadline.

The vlog turned out unexpectedly turned out quite well. She is glad she invested in a high-quality vlogging camera and camera stand as the takes were rather stable. She did catch the part of Ben toggling the zoom button and found it so cute, she decided to have that at the start of the video as a little teaser for her subscribers.

She plays the edited video once more to make sure it is well cut and ready to be uploaded.

“Perfect,” she mutters to herself.

Quickly, she uploads the video with the video title: **a day in my life in nyc *i met someone!!***

Suddenly, she feels a vibration on her phone and takes a look at the lock screen. A new email from Benjamin Solo.

_Dear Rey,_

_I hope you have been well and loving the new additions to your home. I apologise for not sending you this email earlier, but I was busy with some personal things._

_It’s short notice but I was wondering if you’ll be available for lunch this Sunday. Let me know._

_Yours sincerely_ ,

Ben

Rey rubs her palms together. Now that she has his last name, time to do some snooping.

After some time searching for the name ‘Benjamin Solo’ and ‘Ben Solo’ on various social media sites to no avail, she turns to her trusty Google. She types his name into the search bar.

Nothing remotely related to him shows up and she catches herself sulking. She is quite certain that he did not lie to her for not having a phone because if he did, he has at least one or two social media accounts. But a part of her wished he did. She wanted to get insights into his life before her, his friends, his hobbies, the kind of pictures he would share on Instagram. She wanted a quick way to get to know someone without really knowing someone, something she could do with everyone else she has met.

His lack of appearance on social media adds on to his mysterious edge. She wants to know him. She scoffs. Guess she will have to do it the old school way and make conversation with him.

_Dear Ben,_

_Sunday sounds good. Let me know where and what time we shall meet._

_I’m going to upload our video in a minute, fingers crossed!_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Rey_

Without much thinking, she sends Ben a reply email and gets her focus back on uploaded her new video. She uploads a new video, one of the stills cut on from her vlog and posts it along with the caption that she has a just uploaded a new video.

She turns on some music and lies down on her couch. She finished Kylo Ren’s book she started a few days ago and now she is about to start reading another of his book that Ben picked out for her. Strange Tides by Kylo Ren.

**_all our bruised bodies and the whole heart shrinks_ **

_Tell me what your worst fears are, I bet they look a lot like mine_

_Tell me what you think about when you can't fall asleep at night_

_Tell me that you're struggling, tell me that you're scared, no_

_Tell me that you're terrified of life_

_Tell me that it's difficult to not think of death sometimes_

_Tell me how you lost, tell me how he left, tell me how she left_

_Tell me how you lost everything that you had_

_Tell me that it ain't ever coming back_

_Tell me about God, tell me about love_

_Tell me that it's all of the above_

_Say you think of everything in fear_

_I bet you're not the only one who does_

She reads page after page, engulfed by the heavy emotions in each poem. Kylo Ren made her feel things she never felt, leaving her overwhelmed. A part of her wants to keep reading till the end, she cannot tear her eyes off the book. But the emotions that accompanied every poem was astronomical, beyond what she can comprehend.

She decides to take a break and scroll through the comments for the video.

“One hundred comments? It’s only been an hour.” She is not sorry for the ‘clickbait’ video title but this is probably one of the most well-received videos she has in a while. It has gotten traction in merely two hours, views shooting up by the minute.

_sxxcym: Where can I buy a Ben?_

_Angelica: now I want to get out of house just so I can meet a stranger_ _👀_

_haley alex: please date him_

_lindsey:being bi is being attracted to both of them and I'm not complaining_

_your local pasta enthusiast: Can I get a second dose of tall, dark and handsome, please_

_devys: like how cheerful you are and how mellow he is_

_save the bees: ugh I want his @_

She takes time to read through the rest of the comments, and ninety-nine per cent of the comments were related to Ben and many stated how much they wanted to see more of his content.

Rey wonders if Ben is willing to film more videos with her because she has the perfect idea for the next video. Something raw and unfiltered, a perfect way to form meaningful connections with him and get to know him better. They are going to play the We’re Not Really Strangers Card Game.

Later that evening, she receives another email from Ben.

_Dear Rey,_

_I’ll drive over to your apartment. Meet you at 12 sharp?_

_Hope the video turned out fine._ _😊_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Ben_

_Dear Ben,_

_The video turned out better than fine. The response is phenomenal. Almost all the comments want to see you in subsequent videos._

_I have a proposal for you. I have another video idea and I was wondering if you’ll like to film it with me. It’s a card game to get to know each other better. We don’t have to film it if you don’t want to, but I’d still like to play it with you._

_If you do want to be filmed, I’ll give you a cut of the profits, along with the vlog too._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Rey_

_Dear Rey,_

_We’ll see. Surprise me with what you have entailed for Sunday after lunch. And I don’t need a cut of the profits from any videos of me, you deserve it._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Ben._

_Dear Ben,_

_You’re too kind. Also, wear something comfortable._

_I look forward to seeing you._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Rey_

* * *

After lunch, Ben drives them back to Rey’s apartment. Today he is wearing a white t-shirt black shorts, wearing something comfortable as requested.

In Rey’s apartment, they sit on either end of the couch, WRNS cards laid on in the middle. The camera sits in on the in front of the coffee table to film their side view. She places two cups of water on the table and a tissue box because based on past experiences with the game, they will probably need it.

With the camera running, she picks up the how to play pamphlet and reads it out for Ben and the viewers to listen.

“Who do you want to connect with on a deeper level? For two players, alternate asking and answering the questions until the deck is completed.”

“Level 1 – perception. Level 1 is about gaining perspective on what first impressions we give off and challenging the assumptions we make about each other. Level 2 – connection. This round is about asking the rarely asked questions and connecting on a deeper level. Level 3 – reflection. Time to reflect on your game experience.” Rey looks up to Ben who is looking down and listening intently. “Do you want to read the rest of the instructions?”

“Sure.” Rey hands over the how-to guide to him. He clears his throat. “Dig Deeper Cards. These cards are meant to encourage transparency if you feel your partner is holding back. Can be used once per level. Final Card. Write your partner a message. Open only once you two have parted.”

Rey turns her torso to face the camera. “We’ll be playing 8 cards – 2 Level 1s, 4 Level 2s and 2 Level 3s. The cards were chosen by random before filming this video and we have no idea what the cards say. She turns back her focus to Ben. “Shall we?”

He nods. Rey motions to him to go first. He picks up the card and reads.

“What is the first thing you noticed about me?” He puts the card down and waits for her to answer. _Please do not tell me it is my height. Or my ears._ He thinks to himself.

She smiles. “The first time we met at the café I noticed your honey brown eyes staring at me like you know all my secrets. I felt exposed. At the same time, they were also warm and welcoming. I felt like I knew you.”

Feeling goofy, Ben stares into her eyes once more on purpose, causing her to burst into giggles.

“That’s the stare! That’s it!” She takes a minute or two to compose herself. She picks up the next card. “What do you think is the hardest part of my job?” Rey reads aloud

She tilts her head to the side. Considering how he is so disconnected from the Internet and probably does not know what her job entails, she is curious to hear what he has to say.

“Hmm… I think it’s the constant need to be creative and to think of ways to have the view stay interested in whatever content you’re creating. Much like an author who has to think about writing someone raw and genuine, yet simultaneously thinking about how the writing can be enhanced to encapsulate the reader. That’s the hardest part. And sometimes that can be hard to juggle.”

“Now for level 2,” Rey announces to Ben (and the viewers) and folds her fingers into a peace sign at the camera.

Ben picks up the next card. “What questions are you trying to answer most in your life right now?”

“I…am… trying to figure out how to get from where I am to where I want to be, but I still don’t know where I want to be. And I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am to where I want to inspire me and not terrify me, but it’s hard when I don’t know what I want.”

Ben decides to respond. “Sometimes you don’t need to have a ‘where I want to be’. For all you know you might already be where you want to be. Maybe you need to stop having expectations of yourself and go with the flow.”

“Thank you,” She looks into his eyes and whispers, but not soft enough that the viewer cannot hear it. Rey picks up the next card. “What lesson took you the longest to un-learn?”

“That just because someone says they’re doing what’s best for you doesn’t mean it’s the best for you. And sometimes only you know what’s best for yourself.” Ben does not elaborate further.

Rey whips out the dig deeper card. “Tell me more, I’m here to listen.”

“For most of my childhood, I grew up in a protective environment and my parents made all the decision for me. It was suffocating. Tiring. Controlling, to have someone dictate your every move and decision you make. Jesus Christ, I just wanted to breathe. It took me years to realise it and to find myself, and I left once I could support myself financially.”

He pauses, taking a big gulp of water. In his mind, Ben is debating whether or not to say what he is about to say next.

“That’s why I don’t have a phone, Rey. So they can no longer reach out to me. They don’t know where I am, what I am up to, they don’t have control over me anymore.” Rey feels tears welling up in her eyes.

“How many years has it been since you stopped having a phone?” Rey asked gently, her voice starting to break.

“Eight years.”

Rey does not respond. Tears roll down her face, but she does not sniffle.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” He asks.

“No.” She reaches one hand out to hold his. “I think you are courageous.”

Ben gives her a half-smile, trying to hold back his tears. He cups her cheek with a free hand and uses his thumb to wipe away the teardrops rolling down her cheek.

Ben picks up the next card with his available hand and reads it out. “What has been your happiest memory this year?”

Rey takes some time to think. “Moving to NYC. I love the bustling city with quiet times during the late mornings and early afternoons. It gives me solace and time to think. Everyone is heading to somewhere but I’m not. I am present and I am absorbing everything around me.

Moving is hard, especially after I broke up amicably with my ex-boyfriend. But I needed a change of pace and environment. And I like it here.” She says the last sentence with a big smile on her face.

Rey picks up the next card. “What title would you give this chapter in your life?”

He smiles back at her. “I’ll name it ‘Peas in a Pod’”.

They are still holding hands.

Still grinning, Rey brushes off any remaining tears on her face with the back of her hand and looks at the camera once again.

“Level 3,” she states and looks back at him. “It’s your last card, Ben.”

“If you made a playlist for me, what three songs would be on it?”

Rey whips out her phone and scrolls through her music library on Spotify.

“Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. Acquainted by The Weekend. Instant Crush by Daft Punk.”

Ben reaches into his pocket for his pen and some loose papers. He jots down the three songs.

Then, Rey reaches for the last level 3 card. “What do you think our most important similarities are?”

“We listen and we don’t judge.”

“And I shan’t dig deeper,” Rey responds.

She looks at the camera again.

“And now for the last segment of this card game. We will write a message to each other with the paper and pen laid out here and we can only open it after we have parted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was all our bruised bodies and the whole heart shrinks by La Dispute.
> 
> Drop some comments and tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How do you know Ben?”
> 
> “Why do you ask?” 
> 
> “He hasn’t mentioned to me about you before.” 

“I’m not going to upload the video, Ben,” Rey murmurs. “It’s so personal and I don’t want anyone else to see it. Just for me only, and you.” 

Ben nodded. “Thank you. I was going to ask you to at least cut out the part where I spoke about family. It’s something very private to me.” He uses his thumb to soothingly trace over her knuckles, one by one. He thinks Rey gets him. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to play another round of We’re Not Really Strangers? After you’re done writing the letter? In the meantime, I’ll order delivery, my treat, since you’re here today.”

Rey folders her paper up into a small rectangle and passes it to Ben. He puts it in his side pocket. He folds his letter for Rey in half and puts it on the coffee table, stacking the tissue box on top of it.

They played another two rounds of the game in between dinner bites, engrossed with unravelling the secrets of each other. Rey learns that Ben is an only child, loves all genres of music, and has a double degree in English language and English literature. 

She learns that he had applied for his university students without his parents’ knowledge of his major, only to have them seething with anger upon finding out. He said that they wanted him to follow another career path which he did not want. She learns that he is a writer now, but he does not disclose any of his publications. She does not pry further. 

Ben learns that Rey grew up in a foster home and no longer keeps in contact with her foster father. He learns that Rey broke up with her long-term boyfriend before moving here. They broke up amicably because they wanted different things. He wanted to settle down while she did not want to stay in one place. She met him on a dating app he has never heard of and he wonders why she had to do so. 

He learns that she finds it hard to make new and close friends because of her decent social media success. 

Rey is an open book. Whatever Ben asks, she answers. 

“Thank you. For today.” Rey says. She looks out her window. The lights of apartments, vehicles and streetlamps pollute the darkness of the summer night sky. “Come here.” 

She opens her arms out wide and shifts towards him, diminishing the space between them. “Of all the people I’ve crossed paths with, I’m glad one of them is you.” He whispers in her ear, mid-embrace. When he is old and alone, he will remember that he once held something truly beautiful. 

Despite her taller than average height, Rey felt tiny in his arms. She buries her face into his neck, feeling his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously. He rests his cheek comfortably on the side of her head, her body moulding into his like a lock and key. 

“I want to keep knowing you, Rey. I want to decode every part of your mind.” He squeezes her tighter. 

“Only if you let me untangle yours.” She makes a double entendre as she runs her finger through his hair unknotting them in the process.

When they finally let go and part ways, Rey was hoping he would kiss her. Standing under the streetlamp in front of his car, it was the perfect ambience. A parting kiss. On the lips, or her cheek, or her forehead, somewhere, anywhere! He does not. He cups her cheek with his large hand, thumb rubbing gently on her cheek. 

“Good night, Rey.” He says.

“Good night, Ben.” 

She watches him slip into the car and drive off into the darkness, heart feeling empty. She stands on the sidewalk for a short while. For some reason, it already felt like hours since he left. 

She wishes he has a phone. On the bright side, the absence of his phone number stops her from sending him 3 a.m. messages that she would regret the next morning. If not for the letter he wrote to her, she might think she made him up in her head. _Right, the letter!_ Rey thought to herself. 

She trudges up the stairs, wondering why the absence of a man she barely knew affects her so much. 

Back in her apartment, she picks up the piece of paper sitting quietly on her table.

_Dear Rey,_

_Thank you for letting me explore the into the depths of your mind. I wish I could travel backwards through time and space and meet you at the beginning of time. You’re the only person I would allow to be shrunk to microscopic size and explore my body in a tiny submarine. You’re beautiful, sensitive, funny and sexy. You’re too good for me, you’re too good for anyone. Never let anyone say otherwise._

_Sincerely,_

_Benjamin_

* * *

Rey drops by the café Ben works at more than a week later, hoping to get some editing down for her upcoming video, Thrift Flip. She had transformed the garments she purchased with Ben at the thrift shop more than a week earlier. Mostly though, it was to see Ben. He has not replied to her last email and she does not want to “double email” him. 

Stepping into the café, she sees a ginger-haired man at behind the counter instead. 

“Hi… is Ben here today?” she asks bashfully. 

“Oh, you’re looking for Ben? He’s off this week. Come back next Monday? I can pass him a message if it’s anything important.”

“Right. That’s okay, it’s nothing. Could I get a cappuccino having here?”

“Of course, it’ll be ready in a minute.”

Rey settles down on the same seat she sat previously. _I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I dressed up today hoping I could see him_.

Ding! She heard the bell at the pick-up counter ring. 

Walking towards it, she sees a coffee and a blueberry muffin on a tray. 

Perplexed, she looks at him. “I didn’t order a muffin.” 

“It’s on the house.” He smiles. 

“Thank you, that’s sweet.” That indeed make her feel better. _I guess only the nicest people can work here_. 

“It’s my pleasure.” As she is about to pick up the tray and carry it back to her seat, he clears his throat. “How do you know Ben?”

“Why do you ask?” 

“He hasn’t mentioned to me about you before.” 

“Right.” Rey looks down at her tray, avoiding eye contact with him. She should not have come to the café, because right now she is in one of the most uncomfortable situations she has been. 

“That’s not what I mean.” He adds quickly, knowing that his words have affected her. “I’m Hux, by the way. I go by my last name.”

“I’m Rey.” 

“I’m going to ask again, how do you know Ben? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” He assures her. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve known him for years and he’s one to keep things to himself.”

“Can you keep a secret?” she asks. Hux nods his head slowly. “Ben and I met here a while back and we’ve gone out a couple of times but… he hasn’t replied my, y’know, email back.” She sounds like a teenager talking about her boy problems to her friends. 

“That’s nice to know that he’s seeing someone. It’s been a while since his last… bad breakup. But I won’t say too much, it’s his story to tell.” 

“We’re kinda not exactly dating.” 

“He wears his heart on his sleeve. You’ll know if you’re important to him, you can just feel it. He has that ability to make such an impact on the people around him.” 

“When you put it that way, yeah, I guess I am.” 

“Sometimes when he’s writing, he gets so engrossed with his work he completely shuts himself out from everyone. After knowing him for years I still don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing. But don’t worry, he’ll come around. Drop him another email, it's something he'll appreciate.” Hux promise that everything is fine between her and Ben made her feel a ton lot better. 

“I will, thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it. A friend of Ben is a friend of mine.” 

Back at her seat, she takes a picture of her food, posting it on her Instagram story and tagging the café. Then, she goes to her email application and sends Ben another email. 

_Dear Ben,_

_It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you and I hope you’re doing okay. I came down to the café to get some editing down, but I didn’t see you. I met your co-worker/friend Hux and he’s so nice, he even gave me a free muffin!_

_I want to see you again if time permits for you. I miss your presence already._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Rey_

“Wait a minute. You’re Rey? Like the Youtuber reyofsunshine?” Hux shoves his phone screen with her Instagram profile in her face.

“Yup, that’s me.” She shrugs and chuckles. 

“This is so crazy. Our Instagram page is gaining followers already. I don’t know how to thank you.” Hux has one hand to his chest, genuinely touched by her free publicity.

“You gave me a free muffin and some pretty good advice. It’s the least I could do.”

* * *

_Dear Rey,_

_Sorry for my late reply. I’ve been so caught up with writing that I hadn’t had the time to reply. Nevertheless, I’m glad you met Hux. He’s my best friend and the owner of the café. I help out there sometimes._

_I remember you said one of your favourite bands is vampire weekend and I realised I don’t have them in my music library. I got all four albums._

_Come over and listen to it with me? I miss having you around too._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Ben_

_Dear Ben,_

_Don’t apologise for doing what you love. I’m always going to be here._

_You didn’t have to buy their records! We could just stream it on Spotify on my phone your laptop when I come over._

_Let me know when would be a good time. I don’t have much planned for the next week._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Rey_

_Dear Rey,_

_Come by next Thursday afternoon, maybe 3 p.m.? I can pick you up from your apartment or we could meet at the café since I’ll be working there in the morning._

_Music on vinyl sounds better than audio files ever will trust me on this one. I might even convert you to vinyl after this._

_Wear something comfortable, we’ll be lounging all afternoon._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Ben_

_P.S. Don’t bring food, I’ll be cooking._

_Dear Ben,_

_Thursday 3 p.m. sounds great. I’ll see you at the café._

_How was your week? Did I miss anything?_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Rey_

_Dear Rey,_

_See you then, it’s a date._

_I had a burst of creativity and managed to get a decent amount of writing done. How about you?_

_By the way, Hux saw our YouTube vlog and he can’t stop talking about it. You owe me one._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Ben_

* * *

“Hey, you came,” Ben said jovially. 

“Hi.”

“You look stunning.” Rey is wearing a white co-ord set, an eyelet embroidery white peplum crop blouse with matching shorts. She carries a baby blue baguette bag with white slip-on sandals.

“And so do you.” Rey response. 

She sees Hux inside the café and they both wave goodbye to him before making their way into his apartment. 

The car ride to Ben’s apartment was filled with conversation, mostly Rey telling him about her week and her latest video, and Ben nodded his head at everything she said, eyes fixated on the road. He wished he was not driving. 

It is a cloudy day with little sun, but Rey still brightens the place where every she is. 

“Looks like it's going to rain, it’ll be a cosy afternoon,” Ben announces. 

Ben lives in a tall building and they took the elevator up to his floor. His loft apartment is almost three to four times the size of her apartment. It had no walls and high ceilings, and the view was beautiful. The open concept allowed light to enter, and the view from his window is magnificent. The mismatched furniture harmonised beautifully with the walls and cement flooring.

“Holy shit, your record collection is to die for.” She sees a huge bookshelf of pieces of vinyl, filling up the wall from ground to ceiling.

“Or so I’ve heard.” He smirks. “Feel free to browse with the ladder. But be careful. I’ll go make juice for us.”

Ben walks over to the kitchen to blend some vegetables and fruits while Rey takes her time browsing through every single vinyl he has. 

She is astonished by his range. From classical music to rap, he has every genre in between. They’re labelled in alphabetical order according to artist name and every alphabet was represented. 

“Here you go.” Ben passes her a glass of green concoction. “It’s the green juice that you ordered last time, but I added in kiwi, banana and kale for extra taste, and extra vitamins. 

Rey takes a sip of it. It is delicious. “This is amazing. It needs to be on the menu!” Rey exclaims. 

“Glad you like it. And I’ll talk to Hux about it.” He chuckles.

“What did you make for yourself?” Rey asks, looking over at his drink. They have the same colour. 

“The same, but with more apples.” He takes a sip of his drink too. “Come over to the couch.” 

Rey follows Ben and sits on the long sofa. He takes the seat on the far left end next to the vinyl player and she sits next to him. 

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“Uhm, sure. Ask away.” He answers tensely. 

“Well, remember that day I was at the café and only Hux was around? He told me that he hasn’t seen you dating since your last relationship.” She timidly asks, unsure if this was something Ben wants to talk about. 

Ben takes a pause and then clears his throat. “We dated for four years, nine months. It took me a solid eleven months to move on from her. He knows I’ve dated a few people over the years but no one serious. They were fundamentally different from me, so those relationships didn’t last long. Hux probably meant that you’re the first person he has had a decent conversation with as compared to the rest of them.”

Rey nods and sips her juice. “Why did you break up then? 4 years is a long time. Was it amicable?”

“Unfortunately it wasn’t. We met in university studying the same major and she went on to become a newscaster while I was a writer. We lived together for most of the relationship but that didn’t stop her from getting too chummy with her co-anchor. I won’t say names but… I saw them kiss on set without knowing the cameras were rolling. It wasn’t the best way to find out she didn’t love me anymore.”

“Hey… I’m sorry to hear that.” She puts her hand on his thigh and rubs it in a comforting manner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it! Lemme know what you think :)
> 
> I'm soooo excited to write the next 2 chapters 👀


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing on a Thursday night at 2 am? Whack.

**_A Letter_ **

_I don’t need opinions from those never a part of it_

_Don’t need them pointing out my problems, they’re mine_

_Don’t need reminders, I know better than anyone_

_I know I should be finding another way_

_I know I should be out seeking a substitute_

_But just forgetting never really made sense to me_

_So I haven’t been_

_I know I should’ve moved on ages ago, been happy already_

_But it’s never been that easy for me_

_Or many it was me that made it so hard_

_I know I’ve only ever tried a handful of times_

_To sever this thing torturing me_

_It never got me anywhere, with anyone_

_No friendship or hobby, no lover’s bed worked_

_But looking back I maybe never tried hard enough_

_And it is my fault_

_Maybe I never tried at all_

Rey realises Kylo Ren’s fifth book is not about love, it’s about heartbreak.

After about an hour and a half with bathroom breaks in between albums, they finish listening to the first two albums. Ben takes off his headphones and Rey follows. He gently lifts her off him and picks up the third vinyl in sequence – Modern Vampires of the City.

“This one’s my favourite album,” she whispers to him.

Amused, he whispers back. “Why are you whispering?”

“I don’t know,” she whispers again and giggles. “I remember when it came on when I was in high school and I was obsessed with it for a year. My favourite song is ‘Step’. I think it’s track three.”

Ben looks at the back of the vinyl cover. “Yup, track three. Anyway, do you need another bathroom break before we listen to this one?” He asks.

“I’m good. But could you do me a favour? Help me take a candid photo of me listening to music and reading a book.”

“Yeah, sure. With like, the headphones on?” Rey nods. She picks her phone up from the coffee table and opens the camera application for him before passing him her phone.

“All you need to do is to focus the camera on me and hold the centre button for a few seconds, it’ll take a bunch of shots which I can sieve out later. Like this.” She gives him a short demonstration of the burst shot function.

“Rey, please, I’m not uncultured. I take photos with and of my friends all the times. I got this.” He says confidently.

“Alright, alright,” she laughs out. “Let me just get into position.”

Rey swiftly gets into position sitting on the couch, putting the headphones on and opening the book to the page she last stopped reading at. Ben stands behind the coffee table, trying out different angles while she was still shifting in her seat.

After a minute or two, Ben returns the phone to Rey for her to take a look.

“Wow, Ben! You did take so many angles. I think it’s going to look great. I should’ve known you have a flair in photography, you did so well with the vlogging camera.” She teases him.

Ben scratches the back of his head blushing.

“C’mere,” she says, patting her hand onto space beside her, the seat he had sat earlier. “I’m gonna pick out a few shots and edit them before posting them on Instagram.

As he makes his way to the couch, Rey sits up straight, leaving just enough space between her back and the couch for his left arm to slip through. She hopes he will take the hint and wrap his arm around her.

He does.

She snuggles next to him on this chilly afternoon and tilts her phone enough of him to see what she is doing on the screen. He likes how she does not find it inconvenient to include her in her day to day activities.

He watches her switch among the various photography apps at lightning speed after she was done sieving through all the photographs. She tells him they are all very beautiful and she had a hard time choosing which one she likes best.

He shifts his body closer bringing her even closer to him. She lets him comfortably rest his cheek and chin on the side of her head. He presses his nose into her hair and takes a whiff of it. She smells of lavender and rose.

He feels like he has pranced into a garden where sugared flowers waltz in the air. He can visualise her dancing on her tippy toes, light on her feet, fancy and free.

Ben listens to Rey explain what she is doing on her phone. Right now, she is choosing the sequence of three photographs that she wants to pose on Instagram. She asks for his opinion and he nods dizzily, disrupted by her scent.

“What shall I put as my caption?” She asks him, looking up at him through her lashes.

“How about…. ‘guess what I’m listening too on this raining afternoon’?” She smiles gleefully at his idea.

“I love it! I like how you’re so fresh and full of ideas.” She types away from the caption happily and clicks post. She wonders if any of her followers would guess the right answer.

They listen to the third album comfortably in that position together and the rain outside does not subside.

* * *

Ben looks at his watch and realises that it is time to cook dinner. He leaves Rey to explore the rest of his vinyl collection and settles for Talon of the Hawk by The Front Bottoms, the perfect indie folk mix for gloomy weathers like this. She has finished reading his book and she wonders around the main living area of his home without venturing too far since she had not asked for his permission to do so yet.

Ben prepares one of his favourites: pan-seared salmon with lemon garlic butter, along with some boiled mixed vegetables and roasted potatoes on the side.

In between waiting for Ben to be done with cooking, she switches between staring out of the window to watch the rain pour and resting on the couch.

She lays back down on the couch, feet up in the air, and scrolls through her Instagram comments, seeing what her followers have guessed on the music she was listening to in the photos. Some comments are wholesome and sweets, others are not too nice, but she is used to it, you cannot please everyone.

On top of unkind comments, she has been receiving several unpleasant messages from non-other than her ex-boyfriend, Poe. Ever since she uploaded her video featuring Ben more than a week ago, he as been, how can she put it, almost harassing him about who he is and what he means to her.

Majority of the time she does not reply to him, and that only upsets (or angers) him more and he sends her even more unsolicited messages. _Can’t he take a hint that I’m not interested?_ Rey thinks to herself.

On top of that, her newly posted candid shots of her on Instagram got him more riled up, demanding to know where she is and whose home that is.

Their breakup was deemed amicable as told in her YouTube breakup video. _If only they knew how possessive and self-centred he was._

He always wanted to know of her whereabouts and what she was up to, to an excessive extent. At first, she fine with sharing their iPhone locations, but after a while, she noticed that he was checking her location more often than a normal person does. She knows this because of how often he asked her what she was doing at whichever location she was at.

“Hey, dinner’s ready,” he informs her, resting his palm on her knees and tapping them lightly.

“I’m famished and it smells so good,” she drags her words to emphasise how eager she is to taste his cooking.

Ben has a long dining table and the sit perpendicular of each other. The planes and cutleries have already been displayed out.

“I hope you drink red wine,” he says tilting his head towards the semi-filled wine glasses on the table. She smiles and nods her head.

She should not be comparing but she finds it funny how Poe has never once cooked for her throughout their relationship. And now, Ben cooks and displays it out for her. And Ben is _just_ a friend. Heck, he probably would not let her help out after dinner and wash the dishes himself even if she offered.

Conversations with Ben are easy. They flow through without must stress and thought, just like the first time she met him.

She likes spending time with him. He is so out of touch when they are apart, but when they are together, he is so present and in the moment. It is the little things like Ben sharing about the little things like his cooking and meal habits that mean so much more. She always listens attentively. There is never a dull moment with him.

The conversation topics drift over her Instagram account and they share her screen while he (learns) to scroll through her feed. Sometimes his scrolls a little too hard and double taps her photos by accident, which he chuckles to himself and proceeds to unlike it. Rey keeps a mental count of how many time he fumbles – three times.

They lean in close to each other while looking at the phone, and she is glad that they are not sitting across each other, it would be a lot harder to do this.

Rey did not bother to put her phone on ‘do not disturb’ and she instantly regrets it. Messages from Poe begins to pop up after a while, and it is not just one or two, it is a whole lot of messages. 

At first, she brushes it off and said it was nothing, but the messages kept coming in and Ben tells her nonchalantly that maybe it was best if she replied to him and returns her phone.

Rey hates moments like this, moments when she cannot tell what exactly he is feeling inside. She is unable to decipher what emotions are going through and momentarily, they eat in silence. She observes his body language and he visibly seems unaffected by it. But considering how Ben is relatively quiet, she cannot be so sure.

_Ben probably things I’m still seeing him…_ she thinks to herself. She feels bad that she has not told him about how Poe has been bugging her lately, even though she has no obligation to do so.

Rey gets a little too caught up with her thoughts that the mouth of her wine glass misses her mouth, staining her white crop top with red wine.

“Argh, shit!” Rey exclaimed. Just when she thinks this evening could not get any worse… it did.

Ben immediately jumps out of his seat and grab a roll of paper towel nearby, giving it to her to dab herself. Her shirt is a mess but fortunately, her shorts are not. 

“Don’t worry, it’s gonna be fine.” “Go to my wardrobe to grab a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to change into, then use the bathroom to clean yourself up.” His soothing voice calms her down immediately, and she nods uneasily. “I’ll go get some warm vinegar and liquid detergent, pass me your clothes when you’ve changed out, we don’t want the stain to stay,” he instructs her.

“Okay, thank you. Where’s your wardrobe?” she asks.

“Walk straight ahead and turn left, you won’t miss it.” He points straight ahead of him. “The shirt and shorts are behind the second door,” he adds.

She finds it peculiar that there are no walls around, only pillars to hold the building up together. But she likes it. It’s spacious, homely, and so much more sunlight can come through. It was still raining, though.

The modern chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling brightens the dark home with warm yellow light. Some of the chandeliers look handmade. She makes a mental note to ask him if it is, and if so, if he can teach her how to make one.

Walking towards the other end of his loft, she sees his ‘bedroom’. His king-sized bed is huge compared to her twin size mattress back home. The plain white bedsheets sit on a low platform. Not as high as a regular bed frame but high enough to accentuate its presence in the space.

Walks past to the wardrobe a few metres from his bed and opens the first two doors to take a look at what clothes she can wear. Rey is not sure what will fit, so she picks out a light grey plain t-shirt to match with her shorts. _That’s enough white clothes for the day,_ she thinks to herself. 

She quickly makes her way to the bathroom to clean herself up before coming out to pass Ben her shirt. Walking past his bedroom again, she glances at the side table and notices a thick stack of paper wedged together with a few binder clips.

Curiosity gets the better of her and she decides to step closer to take a look. The first page is completely blank. Seeing that Ben is still in the laundry room, she creeps over and picks up the stack of paper.

Upon closer inspection, it looks like a manual script of something Ben has been working on, individual pieces of poetry complied together into what could be a book he is going to publish. At this moment, Rey realises that she has no idea what he writes and what kind of books he has published. Funny how she never asked him.

Additionally, she recalls searching for his name online to no information available. If what his friend, Hux, has said previously that he often gets into intense writing sessions, why had not she seen any of his books pop up while searching for him?

She flips over briefly and stops at a random page and reads it. The poem feels familiar and the writing style is similar to another book she has read.

She flips the page. This poem titles ‘You Ascendant’. She scans it through.

It tells a story about a woman with mousy brown hair walking along Fulton Street, unable to take her eyes off everything she sees. Rey knows where Fulton Street is, it is the street all the thrift shops are located at. She remembers this because she had to put in the address of where she and Ben were at previously when booking the Uber.

_I have mousy brown hair. I was at Fulton Street._ Rey thinks to herself. The thoughts in her mind start to click. _I was absorbed with everything on that street because –_

“What are you doing?” A booming voice echoes across the room into her ears. She turns around, to look at Ben staring at her with discontent and exasperation.

She stares like a deer caught in the headlights. She is still holding the manual script in his hand, not a single muscle in her body moves. Rey finds herself unable to respond.

“I said, what are you doing?” He shouts. His voice is filled with vexation and she has never heard him speak to anyone like that. It catches her by surprise.

“I saw this on your side table and… I got curious…” she trails off nervously. “Is this yours? Did you write this? You never told me you wrote poetry.” Her voice gets softer with each question, but the volume just enough for him to hear it.

He takes a few steps towards her slowly and the silence is deafening. Though bombarded with questions, he ignores every single one of them. His upper lips curl with disdain.

“You don’t touch shit that doesn’t belong to you,” Ben speaks up. “You don’t see me going around your apartment and looking through your private things.”

A million thoughts race through her head. _Is he upset with me over the multiple messages from Poe?_ Rey thinks to herself. She finds it hard to believe that Ben would get so defensive over a manual script. 

“So this is yours?” She prompts. Ben stays silent and walks closer to her to roughly snatch the stack of paper out of her grasp.

Ouch!” She shrieks. The roughness of his actions gives her two deep papercuts.

Ben’s eyes widen with guilt. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to _–_ ”

That was the last straw, Rey is infuriated. What she did was not right, but she sure as hell did not deserve to be berated like that. Although his voice was a lot softer and gentler, it was her turn to be indignant.

“Why are you being so rude? You have every right to be upset at me, but you could’ve just said it nicely and I would’ve put it down. Look what you did!” She shouts at him, shoves her cut finger and thumb into his face.

“It’s not what you think I _–_ ”

“I don’t deserve this.” She interrupts.

“Let me help you make it better,” he says remorsefully as both his hands grab firmly on her hand with cuts to have a better look.

“Forget it.” She states, pulling her hand out of his grasp. “I think I should go.”

She shoves past him, shoulders hitting into his arm. She storms to the couch at the living room and picks up her things. Ben runs after her at the door.

“Please don’t go Rey.” He grabs a hold of her arm and desperately begs her to stay. “Please hear me out.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t have anything to say to you. And I don’t want to listen.”

“It’s still raining heavily outside and I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he adds.

“I don’t think she it’s a good idea for me to be here,” Rey states, unimpressed. She shrugs her shoulder to get her arm out of his grip. “I should go.”

Rey quickly slips on her sandals and walks out of the apartment without saying goodbye or looking back.

He does not go after her.

At the entrance, the rain was pouring heavily, and she digs into her bag. “Fuck,” she mutters under her breath. She does not have an umbrella. But she does not want to book an Uber here and stay at this building and wait any longer. She knows it is irrational, but she walks into the rain, her entire body drenched in a matter of seconds.

It is a good thing it is raining this hard; no one can see the tears rolling down her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That escalated really quickly. Tell me what you guys think! ❤️ Leave some kudos for me if you liked it, thank you ☀️


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's time to unlearn the things you learnt from wounded people."

_“Is this yours, Ben?” Han asked Ben holding his manuscript in the air._

_It was Ben’s 23rd birthday and he was having a small get together with his friends in his parent’s home. He had not seen them in a while and thought that celebrating his birthday would be a good opportunity to spend time with everyone._

_Freshly graduated from college, Ben had not found the courage yet to tell his parents that he has been publishing his poetry. His mother a lawyer and father a pilot, they expected him to take on a more lucrative career, perhaps a doctor or a lawyer just like his mother._

_It took a large amount of convincing to have his parents allow him to take on an English major and that was something he would never regret. But to tell his parents he was pursuing a career as a poet? They would be fuming._

_Writing came easily to him. It helped him say all the words that could not come out of his mouth._

_His parents were not supportive of his English major but gave in because Ben was relentless in his decision. But they hated it, they really did. He tried to hide his writing as much as he could, even publishing them under an alias. He did not want to be under the radar, not by his parents, not by anyone._

_The only people who knew were his group of closed knitted friends who he had invited over today. He had met a few of them in university and got closer to a few more because they were mutual friends. These friends were the only ones he could trust. They knew that he was a poet, they knew he was not writing under his name, and they knew his parents were not supportive of his writing. And they understood his plight. Not every day you find people so trustworthy and throughout their four years or so in college, they have become inseparable._

_Despite all the shame, he brought to his parents from his education and (current) career choices, he still loved them very much. After all, they probably wanted what was best for him. Even if they did not know what was best for him, it was the thoughts that count._

_Trying to keep his relationship with his parents afloat was challenging knowing that he had hidden such a big secret from them, but it was worth the try._

_Unfortunately, this birthday celebration was the last straw. He was about to get humiliated by his parents in front of his closest mates._

_“Is this what you think you can make a career of?” Han stared at Ben dead in the eye and furrowed his brows. Ben saw his disapproving stance and knew what was about to happen. And all he could do was watch it happen right in front of his eyes. “You won’t go far with this crap you won’t go anywhere.” He spat._

_“Where… where did you get that?” Thank goodness he left his alias off the manuscript. He would have thrown a fit if he found out that was him._

_“I saw it on your desk when I walked past your room five minutes ago. I looked through it and it’s embarrassing.”_

_“Don’t touch my shit!” Ben shouted._

_Han threw the manuscript on the floor in the living room, with all his friends there. “After seeing it, I wished I didn’t,” Han answered, crossing his arms._

_The pain Ben felt inside, it was excruciating. It felt like a fever dream. He had been trying to reconcile their differences for years but to no avail. It was one thing to mock his writing, but to do it in front of his friends and publicly humiliate him was another._

_He looked into the kitchen to see his mother staring. She was in the kitchen preparing him and his friends some fruits when she heard the commotion. She stood there, silent. He would have thought his mother would have stood by his side in such a situation. A broken soul stared at her with teary eyes and she stared right back._

_He thought maybe for once, she would disagree with Han and support him. To trust that he was making the best decision for himself doing what he loves. Not everything was about status and had to be lucrative._

_Doing what you love was of utmost importance to him. Whether you are a teacher, a carpenter, or a barista, as long as you loved what you did, you will always be happy. Money could not buy that. If what you did brings you great joy and fortune? Even better._

_Ben kneels on one knee to pick up his manuscript with shaky hands. He could not stay in the room any longer. So much for coming back home. Dropping everything else, he took his writings and left through the front door. He kept walking and walking, blocking out all sounds, not looking back._

_He could hear some murmurs from his friends behind, they had followed him out. They probably did not know he could still hear them through all their low voices and whispering, but it was consoling to a certain extent._

_It was until he walked to the first crossroad when he looked back. His best friends walking silently behind him. They knew he liked to be left alone when he was moody and down._

_He stood at the traffic light and waited for them._

_“We got your back, Ben,” Hux spoke lowly and gave him a pat on his back._

_“Always,” Kaydel added._

_“_ _You forgot your phone,” Rose passed his phone to him._

_He looks at his phone in his hand. At that moment he realized that he will never have the supportive parents he always wanted in his life._

_B_ _en took his phone from her hands and proceeds to throw it into the trash can next to the lamp post. He heard some gasps and got some wide-eyed stares at him._

_“I don’t need it anymore,” he stated plainly._

* * *

“What’s gotten into you? I didn’t want to say anything, but you’ve been moping for two weeks.” Ben was drying the cups and plates at a slow pace, half-heartedly. “Is this about who I think it is?” 

Hux is always careful when asking Ben about personal things. He knows Ben long enough to know what is up and has to ask the right questions to pry inside his mind. He will say what he wants to say when he is ready. 

Ben sighs. “It’s Rey.”

“I knew there was something wrong.” His theories are proven to be true. “Because I haven’t seen her come by the café in like two weeks.” Rey often came by around twice a week, Hux guessing, to do some video editing or read a book. He cannot say he did not notice her reading Ben’s books sometimes. 

He had seen her video with Ben and watched almost every other video she had uploaded after that. She was nothing like Ben, outspoken, talkative, and bubbly. But in a way, she complemented him. He wonders if Ben knows about her ex-boyfriend from LA. He wonders how seriously involved they are to have Ben in such a state. 

Ben mumbles something inaudible under his breath.

“You know you can tell me anything, I’m always here to listen.” 

Ben does not know where to begin but he decides to try. This time he starts from the first encounter to the last. Being with her right from the start was out of his comfort zone but he loved every moment of it. 

He also tells Hux about their WRNS card game encounter and how much close they got that day at his place. 

“You never let anyone else come over, not at least when you’ve only known them for this long.” He mentions. “I think you’re in love with her.” That is the first thing Hux says after Ben pours his heart out to him. In between conversation they had a few customers, but it is off-peak, so the café is not too busy.

“Is that all you can say? No shit.” Ben answers flatly.

“When she walked out that day, did she, know you were the writer all along?”

“I have no idea,” Ben says, scratching his head. “She asked me the manuscript was mine and she kinda realized I’ve never told what kind of writer I was. There’s no name on the manuscript so I don’t know if she knows.”

“I don’t know if you can trust her but she’s not your parents. I’ve seen her reading your books a lot and she probably has your entire collection on her shelf. Let’s have a little faith.” Hux leans into Ben in an assuring tone. 

“I’ve heard her rave to me about him. But there’s always going to be a part of me who believes that the whole scene at my parent’s home will replay again. I don’t think I could ever relive that. It was painful, especially when it comes out of the mouth of someone you love are care about.”

“So… you’re just going to let her go like that?” Hux raises a brow. 

“I… I miss her. A lot. Despite all my fears and worries, I want to make it work. She’s different, I can feel it.” Ben looks at him, sulking.

“Go to her, show up and apologize. Tell, or show, how much she means to you. She may not be someone you, and I, trust just yet but she could be.” He puts a hand on Ben’s shoulder and gives it a little squeeze, like some form of encouragement and support for his best friend. 

“What should I get her?” 

“You know better than I do,” Hux says and walks back to the cashier counter to tend to a customer. 

* * *

“Hello?” Rey answers her phone. 

“Hello, Rey. I’m surprised you would answer the phone after ignoring all my messages.” She can hear him smirking over the phone. 

“It’s like 2 a.m. I need to wake up early tomorrow to film. What do you want from me, Poe?

“Are you filming with your new beau?”

Rey is frustrated. Poe has been bugging her for updates and even threatened to show up are her apartment. She regrets telling him her new address but it was purely out of courtesy when she told him back then before she left. “Didn’t we agree back in LA for a clean break? This isn’t a clean break.” 

His voice softens, Rey is straight to the point. “I know, I know, but seeing you with someone new hurts me.” If only Rey can see him clutching his chest will she know that it stings his heart a little. “Who is he? The new guy in your video?”

“He’s nobody.” _Technically, it is true,_ she thinks to herself. 

“Don’t lie to me, Rey. I know you’ve been trying to hide him in your Instagram stories but I know he’s there. What’s his name? How old is he? What does he do?” 

All the questions drive Rey insane. But she knows that he’ll leave her alone if she answers them. 

“His name is Ben; he’s turning 31 this year and…” Rey doesn’t know what to say. Tell him that Ben is a writer and he will start snooping around. The only thing she wants to do is protect him. “He…um… he co-owns a café with a friend.” _That should do it,_ she thinks to herself. 

Rey hears him take a big gulp of whatever drink he has in his hand. “What’s his last name? Does he know you like I do?” Poe is persistent to find out more about him. 

“I’m not telling you because his privacy is just as important as it is mine. Goodbye, Poe.”

“Rey, wait-” Before Poe could finish his sentence, Rey hung up the call. She does not need to answer anyone, not Poe, not her followers, no one. 

She has been receiving lots of comments and messages on her various social media accounts asking who he is and for updates ever since she uploaded the vlog with him. And in the last three weeks, she has been regretting it more and more. 

Rey cannot deny that her fingers have been itchy over the past few weeks. She’s been writing drafts and paragraphs of all that she wants to say to him but does not dare to send them. Simultaneously, she knows it is silly, but she wants him to reach out to her first. 

But as the days turn into weeks, her gut is telling her that he may want his personal space, especially after she invaded his privacy that day. From his reaction and defensiveness, she really should have thought it through. 

Things were going so well. Perhaps it was the messages that kept popping up on her phone when they were looking at her Instagram page together. She remembers telling Ben about Poe being her ex-boyfriend and he probably thinks that she was still involved with him. If only she cleared the air with him then. _If only._

_Wait a minute, invasion of privacy?_ Something clicks in Rey’s mind. _Was I invading his privacy just like how Poe invades mine?_ _Am I a reflection of what I dislike, and have I become a reflection of him?_

This realization makes Rey very uncomfortable. She really should not have touched Ben’s things without asking. It is common sense not to, and the fact that Ben’s need for privacy made her actions more severe than she thought. 

She had been so used to Poe invading her privacy and has become accustomed to the way he treats her such that she felt like her actions were normalized at first. 

In some sense, Ben’s departure gave her time to think. How fleeting moments are and how people come and go so easily. Some are cigarette breaks; others are forest fires. In the short amount of time of knowing him, she thinks that she has learned more than in her previous relationship with Poe. She knows making comparisons is bad, but she cannot help it. 

Rey knows it is difficult to unlearn things, but she wants to. At the same time, she is glad she did not reveal Ben’s actual career to Poe. It is Ben’s story to tell, not hers.

Another day passes by without a word from him. And now it is time for bed again. But that is okay. The sun will rise, and life goes on. 

* * *

“Hey, pals! It’s the end of day 2 and I’m finally done with my fourth coat on all the walls in my living room. I hated the blue walls so much, but I don’t know if the coats are enough to make the walls look white again.” She groans into the camera. 

Rey finally found the energy to decorate her rented apartment after god knows how long. Even though her lease is only 6 months she wanted to make her living space as homely as possible, Rey style. It has been exactly three weeks since she last saw Ben. 

A part of her regrets dearly ending on a bad note with him. The café has been her favourite space and now she had to find somewhere else. She is still café hopping though, no other café has the calming ambiance she needed to get into _the zone._

“I’ll need to see what it looks like tomorrow morning, and if it looks good, I’ll install some shelves on the wall. I’m still bad with drilling so pray for me.” She puts her palms together and chuckles in the camera. 

“After that, I’ll be re-potting the plants." She lifts the pots to the camera. "I’ve got these into these new pots I found online, links below, and-”

_Knock knock._

Rey furrows his brows. _How could it be at this hour?_ She thinks to herself. She does not recall expecting a parcel or order anytime soon. 

She steps to the door and unlocks the door slowly. She peeps at the gap between the door and the door frame to see a very exhausted Ben standing in front of her. 

“Ben, why are you doing here? It’s like,” she looks at the time on the wall clock and her eyes widen. “10.30 p.m. right now.”

He never knew how much he missed hearing her say his name until now. 

“I’ve been pacing up and down my apartment the entire evening trying to find the courage to find you and apologize to you and I’ve been so afraid the entire time and somehow that fear brought me here to you.” He looks down and his shoes and his the sole of his left foot scraps the floor mat. 

“Do you wanna come in and sit down?” She asks, swings the door open. Now she’s standing right in front of him and their closeness and obvious height distance make his heart race. 

“I… I…” _If only you could hear all the words I can’t say,_ he thinks to himself.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Use your words,” she comforts him with her words and gentle expression. She seems a small box of things next to him on the ground, but she keeps that thought to herself first.

He uses a foot to push the box further away out of her sight. Then, he bends down to pick something up from the box – a small bouquet of flowers. He shyly brings it up to her. “I know you like baby’s breath and I remember how you beautiful you think dried flowers are, so I got this for you.” 

At that moment she realizes how he remembers every little detail about her. She remembers saying those things fleetingly, putting little weight to it when she told him that. 

He bends down to pick up the second item he got for her – a potted rosemary plant. “I got this because I know you like plants and this is my favorite herb plant.” 

Rey puts the plant and flowers on to the stool next to her. 

“Ben, I-” 

“Let me finish.” Rey nods. He proceeds to pick up the third and last item he got for her. It is a cream-colored teddy bear. “I don’t know if you like plushies, but I saw this and fell in love with it immediately. I hope you like it. And these are my apology gifts because I’m not good with words. I’m sorry I hurt you with my actions and I’m sorry it took me so long to apologize.” 

Rey looks at the teddy bear and tears well up in her eyes. This bear looks almost identical like the one she got as a welcome gift on her first day at the orphanage. She lost it almost a decade ago, but she can still remember what it looks like and the wave of emotions she feels right now is simply overwhelming. 

“What’s wrong?” Ben asks, shocked at her large watery eyes staring back at him. _Is this too much, too little?_

“I’m sorry too." Rey takes a deep inhale to catch her breathe. "For invading your privacy. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I did and I’m sorry. I’ve been so used to the lack of boundaries in the past relationship that I did it unknowingly to you and you didn’t deserve it. I should’ve have apologized first and I’m sorry I didn’t.” 

With the teddy bear still in her hand, she crashes into his chest and wraps her arms around his torso, tightly. She tiptoes to bury her face in his neck, her tears making a mess on him. 

Hearing her soft sniffles, he wraps around her tighter. He rubs his cheek on the side of her head to console her. No words needed, just two people who miss each other in an embrace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate it when they're apart.
> 
> Every single kudo, comment and bookmark are so precious to me. Thank you for reading 🤍


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I deleted the last two chapters uploaded. I did some thinking and realised that I wanted to keep this fic short and sweet, and just between the two of them, rather than bring more characters in. 
> 
> This chapter continues after Ben shows up to Rey's apartment to apologise to her, and she apologises back.
> 
> I am very sorry about it. But I do hope that this chapter makes up for the inconvenience if you know what I mean 😉 Here you go rats, this one's for you.

Rey pulls Ben to the couch. They have a lot to talk about and misunderstandings to figure out.

Ben goes first.

“Remember that time we played the card game We’re Not Really Strangers and I told you that I didn’t have a phone because I don’t want my parents to contact me?” Rey nods slowly. “I want to tell you what happened. Maybe after listening you’ll understand me better.”

Rey spends the next twenty minutes or so listening patiently and intently as he spoke about his past, making sure not to interrupt him. As the story goes on further, her heart aches a little more for him. She squeezes his knee and strokes his lower thigh gently in a comforting manner. She would have held his hand if not for his huge hand gestures.

Ben makes sure to omit the part where his parents find out he is Kylo Ren. He is not ready to tell her that just yet. 

“And that’s my story.”

Rey looks at him with watery eyes and wraps her arms around his neck, sliding into his lap in the process. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, no one deserves that, and I think you’re so strong for following your heart and doing what you love. You’re surrounded by people who love you like Hux, and I.”

“You… you love me?” Ben stutters, startled by her words.

“I do.”

He cups her cheek with his hand and looks at her deep in her eyes. “I love you, too.” She smiles at him and he grins back. “And I’m really sorry for getting angry at you, and I’ll apologise again and again.”

“Don’t, I’m sorry too. And I think it’s only fair for me to share with you more about myself, after all, that you’ve told me.”

“Only if you want to.” He whispers.

With Rey still sitting in his lap, he wraps his arms around her, one hand on her waist while the under resting on her upper thigh. He draws lazy circles on her thigh with his thumb to calm her down while she finds the nerves to talk about her past.

“I had a toxic relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I don’t like talking about him that much because it brings back bad memories, so I’ll try to be as succinct as possible. He often shouted at me about the little things and say very terrible, means things to me. It never occurred to me that this was abusive until I decided to see a therapist due to my failing mental health. I can’t believe it took me so long to realise this.”

“And that day when you shouted at me, it gave me a wave of flashbacks from those upsetting experience and I thought this was going to be a rerun of my last relationship and I couldn’t take it, Ben, I was terrified.”

Ben pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. “It’s not your fault. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, I too am proud of you for being brave and going to therapy and leaving that relationship behind.”

Rey takes a deep breath in. “I grew up in various foster homes until I was eighteen. When I was first picked up by the social services, I was given a teddy bear. It’s been so long ago but if my memory doesn’t fail me, I think it looks almost identical to this.” She says and picks up the teddy bear on the other side of the couch and cradles it in her arms. “I went through thick and thin with me. But one of my foster parents was extremely mean and hurtful and he threw it away in a fit of rage. I remember crying for weeks. Where… where did you find this bear?”

He watches Rey stroke the head of the teddy bear. “Hux told me that girls like plushies so I took the liberty to hunt for one. I went to several malls to search for one, but nothing caught my eye. I live driving to take my eyes off things and I found this in another city. It just felt… right. So I got it. That’s why I took so long to come here to apologise.”

“Ben…” she sighs with her face so close to his. Her eye’s flicker away and he watches her stare longingly at his lips. It feels like a magnetic field between them, the force pulling her entire body closer to him.

Nervously, Ben closes his eyes to anticipate what happens next. They have not even kissed, yet his body is on fire. 

She tilts her head up a little more and leans in for a kiss on his lips.

His heart was thudding in his chest, loud enough that it was the only sound he could hear when her lips brush over his.

Their first-ever kiss on the lips.

The kiss is nothing but hungry. It is tired, slow, yet controlled.

It takes him a few seconds to register what is happening before he reciprocates back. His lips move in sync with hers gently, every single nerve ending of his on fire. He deepens the kiss by tightening his grip around her to pull her closer. She snakes one hand up to his face and neck, gently stroking over the dark stubbles on his cheek. 

“I don’t want us to be apart again. You have your secrets and I have mine, we can take it slow.” Rey speaks. 

“Me neither. I want to keep knowing you and remind you every day that you’re not alone.” 

“And neither are you.” 

They stay like this comfortably in the silence for several more moments. Her head resting on his shoulder, his cheek pressing on the side of her head, with the teddy bear still sitting in her lap. 

“Will you stay with me? For the night?” she asks. 

“Always.”

* * *

Rey slips into bed first while Ben freshens himself up. She uploads a candid photo her taken by Ben on their day out thrifting, his shot capturing her genuine laughter beautifully. She types in a caption.

_It took me many years to arrive at such a life_

Then she uploads it. He probably will not see this post any time soon, but she knows he will get it when he does.

Ben leans against the doorway of her bedroom, and Rey settles her phone down on her bedside table. He grins, watching as she pulls the empty side of the blankets down as an invitation. He crawls up the bed and she rests her head on his shoulder. 

His arms wrap around her in a heartbeat and she tucks herself closer to him, feeling the warmth of his body through the t-shirt she had borrowed from him previously. His hand finds her waist and she closes her eyes, breathing him in to relish the contact she misses.

She feels him placing a soft kiss on the side of her head, pressing his nose into her hair. He misses her smell. 

Rey opens her mouth to say something, but he leans down to brush his lips against hers. Whatever she wanted to say was thrown out of the window. She thinks she wanted to say something about how she missed the time they were listening to music together at his loft, but the feeling of his lips on hers makes her brain short circuit. She melts into him, her arms wrapping around his neck as he wraps his around her waist. 

She thinks she will never get tired of this. Bedtime is so much better when the person you love is right beside you. She remembers the first day they met at the coffee house. She thinks she fell in love with him two seconds after she saw him. 

She can feel his hand slip under her top, his fingers wrapped around her bare waist. She sighs against his mouth and he rubs circles around her ribs, her hand slipping into his dark, luscious hair. 

While she thinks about his hand, his other hand slips down to wrap her ass to pull her closer to him. She settles onto his lap facing him, her legs straddling both sides of his thighs. 

Ben is such an amazing kisser. He kisses her a little deeper, and heat surges through her veins. This time, she tugs the bottom seams of his shirt, murmuring against his lips to take it off. 

He briefly tears away from the kiss to take his shirt off and she slides her hand up to his torso to his chest, feeling his bare muscles. 

Rey pulls her shirt over her head. She never wore a bra to sleep and she is glad that it is one less layer of fabric between them. 

He stares at her naked upper body in awe. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” Her cheeks turn a rosy pink at his gushing.

“I would say the same for you,” she chimes. Ben smirks at her response.

“Do you want this, Rey? I just need to make sure that we’re on the same page.” 

“Did any of this feel like we were on a different page?”

“Good point.” 

“Ben Solo, in case you didn’t get the memo, I want you.” 

The last three words of affirmation are enough for him to press his hot lips against her collarbones. He then drifts down her shoulders and to the top of her breast, tracing and marking her trails of freckles with his lips.

Her hands roam across his broad bareback, feeling the contours of his muscles. His hands wander down her sides at the waistband on her shorts, and he pulls down both her shorts and her panties at the same time.

His hand comes around the front, his fingers stroking at her folds.

“Ben,” she purrs and lets out a moan.

“Let me ruin you, please.” He voice is low, almost begging. 

She consents not with words but with a kiss, mouth slightly open and a little sloppy, as his fingers more tantalisingly slowly against her. Her tongue slips into his mouth to taste him, while his hand is trapped between his lap and her groin. She grinds down in an attempt to get more friction. 

Immediately, he hand stills and she hates the chuckle she feels against his lips.

“Ben,” she growls, she knows exactly what he is doing to her.

“Patience,” he mutters under his breath, resuming his reverent stroking and exploring before his thumb finds her clit. He rubs in it in a long, slow and teasing circle. Her hips buck and clench her grip in his hair, gasping against his swollen mouth. 

“Please,” Rey whines, slightly embarrassed that it comes out more wanton than she had expected. She can feel his chuckle again, and she opens her mouth to say something, but her breath gets cut short by his finger slipping inside her. His swift movement catches her off guard and she gasps, eyes widening at the intrusion.

“Too soon?” he questions, but she shakes her head. It is not too soon, she is already soaked from his touches alone. Ben wonders how lucky in the hell he got so lucky to fall in love with someone as stunning as her, beautiful inside and out. 

His eyes are sinfully dark under the dim lights from the bedside lamp, pupils blown wide. He leans in closer and moulds his mouth to hers while she lifts herself onto her knees to give him better access to her body. She pants against his lips and he holds her hand, lacing his fingers in hers.

Pressing against her clit harder, rubbing it just the way she likes it, learning from the way her she moans against his mouth. 

In an attempt for more friction, she rumps against the ridge of his cock. He tips his head back against the headboard, his ragged moan soaking the fabric of his boxes. He knows she will make a mess, but he does not care. 

The friction turns him on further, and he kisses the top of her breast, mouth trailing down to seal around her nipple. He sucks while flicking it against his tongue. His free hand slips to her back as she arches it to keep her balance on him.

Her fingers scrape against his scalp and he deliberately moans against her skin. She continues to run his fingers through his hair, almost fisting it as he sucks harder. 

She finds great difficulty in keeping her thoughts coherent when he releases her breast from his mouth with a soft ‘pop’. She whimpers quietly when he pulls his fingers out. He makes up for it by lifting her and resting her back down gently on the bed. Her fingers grab on to both edges of her comforter as he moves her legs over his shoulder.

With his hand now at her hips, he leans his head down to lick her cunt. She bites her lip to prevent herself from gasping too loudly. He presses a soft kiss on her clit before flicking it with his tongue, causing her to whimper out loud. 

She looks down at him smirking between her legs. He continues to suck her clit, and she bucks her hips against his face. 

He proceeds to slip two fingers into her dripping cunt, tongue continuing to make small circles around her clit. Overwhelmed by her senses, she moves her hand down to clutch his hair, making him groan against her as her nails scrap his scalp. She notices that he likes it when she does that. She bucks up into the groan once more, gasping again.

Her vision whites out as her orgasm hits her like a freight train. He slows down the licking and sucking as her tense body loosens up.

Once her body calms down, she pulls him up with both her hands around his jaw to kiss him fiercely. She kind of likes the taste of herself on his lips. She can feel his erection pressed hard against her with the fabric of his boxes between them, and she grinds against him.

“Take them off, please?” she pleads softly in hears.

He obliges, lips finding her shoulder for a quick kiss before he pulls his boxers off and tosses them onto the floor. He pushes her down onto the bed, assembling himself between her legs.

She stares at his cock, flushed pink. He is as big as she felt under her.

Her hand reaches out to grab it, taking pleasure from his soft gasp. She runs her thumb along the underside of his cock, trailing the vein there as he moans and bucks his hips into her hand.

“You have no idea how much I want this,” he murmurs, nose nuzzling her ear.

“Me too,” she groans. “I have wanted this for far too long,” she admits.

He whines at her words. “Do you have a condom?”

She instantly moves to open the first drawer on her bed sight table. He takes the small packet from her hand and rolls the condom onto his throbbing cock.

His head bends down to swirl his tongue around her pebbled nipple. “Yes, Ben, yes…” she says as he draws back from her. Her hands move up, one hand cupping the back of his neck while the other rests on his shoulder. He kisses her slowly and sweetly, and she kisses back as best as she can.

He slips one hand under her back and she feels something warm nudging against her entrance. “May I?” he asks.

“Take me, Ben, I’m yours.” Satisfied by her answer, he slowly slides in. She is so wet and gloriously tight, and he watches her wince a bit as he fills her out. He lets out a low moan as he bottoms out. He pauses to let her adjust to his size and also because he might come more quickly than he expected, from how good it feels inside her.

“Does it hurt?”

“I’m okay, you can move.”

And move he does. He draws his lips back and slams into her hard before pulling out slowly again. He watches as her pussy takes every inch of him. She clings onto his shoulder for dear life and tries to move her hips with his.

Naturally, she lifts her legs up to hook them around his torso. The change in angle allows him to go deeper, and they moan in unison. It feels overwhelming; she pants against his mouth as his thrusts start to go harder, with more urgency. She can tell that he is going to come soon.

“I want to try to make you come again,” he says and licks his thumb before placing it on her clit to draw slow circles. He picks up the pace, and it makes her groan out loud. Her walls clamp tighter around him.

“Just like that, Ben, it feels so good.” She peers up at him through her eyelashes.

His thrusts faster and applies more pressure to her clit. In no time, he feels her coming around him with his name on her lips. The sound of her voice undoes him.

“Oh my god, Rey,” he breaths, pulling himself closer to her.

He comes just as their lips meet, smiling into it. She feels the heat inside her and they stay like this just for a moment, lazily kissing each other while catching their breath.

Finally, Bens pull out slowly. He sweeps her into another kiss that takes her breath away and makes her heart skips a beat. He is flushed against her, their bodies still hot and sticky from their first time with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I go overboard with the smut? Yes.  
> Do I regret it? No.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this chapter, I would like to inform you that this is a double update. Please read chapter 6 first, along with its chapter notes as major changes have been made.
> 
> Welcome to the last chapter. I hope you enjoy it 🥰

Ben normally automatically wakes up early in the morning without an alarm clock. Today he wakes up at his usual timing, this time with Rey sleeping soundly in his arms.

He recalls the events of last night, slightly blurred. He remembers pacing up and down only to find himself in front of her apartment apologising to her, and her apologising back. They spent a good amount of time sharing about each other’s trauma, their confession of love for each other before… yup, he reminders it _very clearly_ now.

He takes a good look at the girl sleeping silently with her arm wrapped around this torso. He had one arm under her neck while the other around her. She looks so serene and he wishes this moment would last forever. Never would he have thought this would happen, especially after hurting her so many nights ago.

He watches her chest rise and fall with every breath and wonders why this feels like something he will never forget. Sometimes he will get himself into a situation where he thinks to himself: _this is something I will remember for the rest of my life_ , and this is exactly what it

feels like.

He certainly hopes he can continue to hold her in his arms in the days to come.

He takes a deep breath and tries to describe what he inhales, lavender sheets with a mixture of her scent – floral and fresh. He hears soft soundwaves of the cars passing through the morning street and their faint breathing. The warmth of her body against his chest, his arms wrapped around her and her touch with their legs tangled.

Once he believes that he can picture this moment forever, he opens his eyes again and really stare at her this time. She looks adorable with her bed hair and her frame is so tiny next to his. He looks at her forehead, it is so cute he wants to press his lips on them.

He cranes his neck down and leans in to give her a soft forehead kiss. He presses a full kiss on it, and the satisfying feeling made him give her one more kiss, and another on different spots of her forehead.

He pulls back rapidly when he feels her ruffle her legs under the covers. His body freezes and he holds his breath. She tiredly opens her eyes. She gives him a wide, sleepy grin because he is the first thing she sees.

She tilts her head up and leans in for a lazy kiss. Their lips move in sync and he deepens the kiss as their first intimate moment last night floods his mind.

She pulls back tenderly. “Good morning to you,” she says, her voice slightly hoarse.

“Morning.” He replies with a comfortable smile. His body shifts away from her a little and loosens his grasp of her.

“Where are you going?” She gives him a longing look, eyes half-open, staring up at him through her eyelashes.

“I’m going to go back to get a fresh set of clothes and get us breakfast.” He strokes her head and runs his fingers through her hair, untangling any little knots his digits encounter. “Promise me to stay where you are when I get back?”

She beams and nods her head. Now that his arms are no longer around her, she buries her pillow. “The keys are on the dining table, come back soon, please.” Her voice is almost pleading, but he cannot be sure of it.

He ruffles her hair. “See you in a bit.”

“See ya.”

He kisses her hair and makes his way out. She hears the jingle of her keys around his finger and him closing the apartment door behind him.

Rey makes a mental note of re-reading Kylo Ren’s books.

She is almost so sure that it is him.

* * *

Rey and Ben spend the next few months _really_ getting to know each other better. Considering how much time they spend together; their relationship, fortunately, remains relatively private to the internet. Her followers have seen him appear on her day-to-day Instagram stories. Sometimes, he pops up in her videos – like that time he fixed the wall shelves for her. As much as they speculate incessantly about her relationship status, she never clarifies it. She thinks that it is something Ben will appreciate, and she respects his wishes.

Rey has no problem with Ben spending more time in her apartment than his. It makes hers feel a little less lonely and a little more homely. She is grateful for her twin-sized mattress bringing them closer than ever since the night they apologised to each other.

Now, he has several sets of clothing in her wardrobe and can stay as he pleases. He only goes back to his loft once in a while to do laundry and write. She thinks it is difficult for him to know if she is home or not, so she gave him a spare key from the start. Ben goes back to his loft once in a while to do laundry and write. His biggest trade-off of being in her apartment is listening to a lot of Spotify ( _ugh!_ ), but he can live with that.

For the first time, her refrigerator is filled with fresh food and lots of milk. Apparently, Ben is obsessed with having milk and cereal and insists on having it every day, sometimes right after dinner.

She loves to watch him cook. Sometimes Rey would sit at the dining table and stare at Ben hold back his tears as he chops the onions.

Ben wakes up early every day. And every time he wakes up with her next to him, he tucks her under the blanket and _always_ gives her a peck on the forehead. For someone who lacked affection as a child, he has always been an affectionate lover.

Ben shows up jovially in her apartment on an early afternoon to see Rey setting up her camera for yet another video filming.

“Hey,” he says peeking his head through the open door, only half of his body in the apartment. “Am I disrupting anything?”

“Nah, just about to start.” She smiles radiantly at him. She has gotten her hair curled into loose waves and makeup done. The only thing passing through Ben’s mind is _she is absolutely stunning_.

“Ahem.” She clears her throat loudly and takes a sip of water.

He sits at the dining table quietly, watching her film herself. She gets giggly every time Ben watches her video record herself. Maybe it is from the feeling of actual judgement she can receive from an actual human being right in front of her, not behind a screen. 

But Ben is really sweet. He is nothing but supportive of her work ventures. Over their time spent together, Ben has seen her stress up about her work like a tumultuous storm. Fortunately, he can be there when she breaks down in the middle of the day and in the late of the night. He has seen her overwhelmed by the pressure of the expectations she has set for herself, i.e. to release a certain number of videos every month, to hit a certain number of YouTube views every month, and to attain a certain number of followers every month.

She wears a yellow off-shoulder crop top and denim shorts and she is sitting down on the carpet in front of the couch, just because apparently it is way more comfortable than her sofa.

“Hey guys, and welcome to the most self-indulgent video I could possibly make: a Q&A, because I love being the centre of attention.” She shrugs and smiles at the camera.

Ben snickers at her sarcasm, loud enough for Rey to hear.

“Ben!” She shrieks and pretends to be offended.

“My bad, sorry.” He holds one hand out in apology and the other rubbing his chest, trying to contain any laughter in.

“Anyway,” Rey drags her words and looks away from Ben, back to the camera. “Moving to New York has been good for me mentally, just to have a rest. I think that I got drowned down with negative associations in LA and I was so stressed out about my job.

“There were a lot of memories from depressive episodes or just times when I was lonely, unhappy and frustrated with myself in college. I had a toxic relationship with myself and work and it feels really good to completely reset by moving to a new place, get a fresh start mentally, meet new people and create new, move positive associations with this place.”

Rey had asked her followers on Instagram to some questions and not to her surprise, many were relationship-related questions, both personal and general ones. She let Ben sieve out some questions he was comfortable with her answering, and that is personal growth.

Ben was the one who suggested writing them into strips of paper and putting them into a jar, after all, she has so many questions and so little time.

After her short introduction and loose thoughts she wanted to share, Rey brings up the glass jar half-filled with folded up questions and shakes it in front of the camera.

Little does she know; Ben was cheeky enough to slip a few questions of what Rey thought about him in it. He wants to hear it for himself.

On the other side of the room, Ben is still at the dining table, probably writing some loose thoughts he has into poems. He does that a lot when he is in her apartment because he does not have his trusty (and ancient) typewriter with him.

When she wants to approach him, she calls out to him from a distance and he will quickly cover his work. Sometimes he will open his arms after and direct her to sit on his lap. She will canoodle with him for a while. Sometimes he will tell her what is on his mind. She listens intently every chance she gets.

After an hour or so when she was done with filming the video. She turns off the camera and sees him extremely focused in thought, probably squeezing his brain juice to find the right ways to articulate his words.

She proceeds to pack everything up, not wanting to break his train of thought. As she kneels on the carpet and folds the camera tripod, thick strong arms wrap around her waist. He snuggles his face in her hair and gives her kisses down her neck to her shoulder.

She puts the tripod down and he spins her around, carrying her up to straddle his legs facing him.

He leans and pressed his lips on hers for a kiss. She snakes on hand around his neck and the other on his chest to balance herself. Rey traces his lips with her tongue before pushing past them to explore his mouth. He opens pliantly, happy to memorise her taste on the tip of his tongue.

Their lips move in sync softly and tenderly with so much emotion. He pulls away gently and brushes a piece of her hair behind her year. He stares at her in awe, hoping to memorise the position of her freckles across her face like a map.

“What?” she breaks into a peal of soft laughter.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” A mouth opens wide, excited. She loves surprises, especially from Ben.

“Mhm.” He hums. He carefully lifts her off his lap and walks over to pick up a brown paper bag sitting on the dining table.

“What’s inside?” she asks. Rey is sitting on the couch now, bouncing a little because she cannot contain her elation.

“You’ll see,” he smirks and passes the bag to her.

Rey eagerly pulls out what feels like a novel and stares at the cover.

**_The Worth of the World by Kylo Ren_ **

“Doesn’t this, come out next –” Rey hesitates.

“It doesn’t come out next week, but I want you to be the first one to get your hands on the copy.”

**_Safer in the forest_ **

_I've been watching a slow thaw come around_

_I've been waiting in the cold and hazy blue_

_I've been driving alone out to the edge of town_

_I've been thinking too much of you_

_Sunshine is like lovers and_

_Some summers just pretend, only warm the air_

_It's that I'm tired of the feeling here_

_It's too near to death, it's too jobless year-round_

_It's not the weather in the city or the highway moan_

_Not the streets or the buildings, neither wooden nor stone_

_Every reason to leave this place behind_

_Why I should be alone are made of flesh and bone_

_I've been thinking of exile_

_I've been thinking hit the highway and head up North_

_I've been thinking to cross the bridge and don't turn back_

_The only warmth is a warmth alone_

If Rey is right and this book is a timeline of their encounter, this poem would be one of the many pieces he wrote during the three weeks they spent apart.

_End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of my first ever fic, and I am so thankful for the kudos and comments along the way, keeping me motivated and helping me shape this story better. This has been such a challenging yet heart-warming experience. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Lots of love 🤍
> 
> You can find me on twitter under the same handle 💕

**Author's Note:**

> 🖤[livsackler.carrd.co](livsackler.carrd.co)🖤


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